Confession

So, I'm a little obsessed. I have come to terms with it and will not deny it. I am overly obsessed....with my little girl. I am that mom that talks non stop about her baby. The one that will give up everything she has so that my baby can have everything she needs (and wants). I can't help it. I never thought that so much love could come from something so tiny...she is just so amazing. She got her kitchen in today, and after Chad and I put it together, she played with that thing forever. She was so happy and her face when she first saw it brought me so much joy. She couldn't even wait until it was all put together to start playing with it. I am sure that right now at her age, it is just another toy to her, but I know that in a year or two she is going to appreciate that little kitchen so much more. I would have died to have a kitchen like that when I was little. I didn't have much when I was a kid, especially when we first moved to the US, because my parents didn't speak much English and it was hard for them to get jobs that paid enough to support five people (three kids). We never went without, but we also didn't have much. I can't say that I was an unhappy child or that I had a bad childhood, because the truth is so far from that. My mom and dad raised us with so much love and made sure we had everything we "needed", that I never really missed not having some of the toys I would have wanted. But when I think back, I can remember a few times that I saw some toys that the kids had at the houses my mom would go clean, and thinking how cool it would be if I had toys like that to play with. I had such a great imagination that I made do with what we had and even made my own toys. I remember making cameras for myself and some of the smaller kids in my neighborhood out of cardboard boxes, and walking my "imaginary dog" with a leash and collar I made out of wire clothes hangers. These are all happy memories for me. I don't know if I ever complained about not having the toys I wanted, but I don't think I did, or at least I hope I didn't, and if I did, I owe my parents a huge apology, because I don't have any "bad" childhood memories about not being as wealthy as some of the other kids I went to school with. I can't complain. My parents loved me so much and showed it every day. I had both of them to kiss me good night every night, and I had everything in life that I "needed". What I'm getting at is that I don't wish in any way that my childhood would have been different. My parents gave me what they could afford and I never went without the true necessities. They taught me how hard work pays off and made me want to work hard so that I could be successful in life. However, I want Natalie to have everything I would have wanted as a little kid. I want to see her face light up when she gets her first dollhouse, or her first bike (I remember how happy I was when I got my first bike). I still want her to make cameras out of cardboard boxes and have the imagination to make anything out of "trash", but I want her to have those things that I always looked at and wished I could have had. I don't mind giving up the things I want to give her all that she wants (to an extent). I want to spoil her, but I also want her to hear the word "no" and know that she can't always have EVERYTHING she wants, and as she gets older I want her to learn how important it is to work hard and get a good education so that she can achieve any dream or goal she has in life. But I also want her to know that "mami and papi" will never outgrow wanting to give her the world. My parents never outgrew it.
I can't wait until she is old enough to be able to tell her all this and to start teaching her everything about life and how important it is to know God and love Him, and teach her how to wash the dishes and cook and do laundry so that one day when she is married she can be a good wife to her husband, and talk to her about respect for herself and others. There is soooo much I can't wait to teach her. I want to raise her to be a lady, and know how to pick her battles. My head is hurting now from thinking of all the things I want her to know and learn. I hope that God keeps me around here long enough to be able to do it all. I know two things she will know for sure...God and love. Two things that are so visible in our home and what our family is built on. I hope that from seeing her daddy and I and the love we have for each other and God, she will know how beautiful those two things are.
So there you have it, I am totally obsessed. Obsessed and in love with the beautiful little blessing that was given to Chad and I 18 months ago. She is mommy's little girl and daddy's little princess, and I hope she never outgrows those titles....

Can you just stay little forever??

Well, since it rained today, I figured I'd write a blog...rainy days are always good for writing or reading. My little princess is taking a nap, and although I am tempted to cuddle up next to her and take a nap myself, I am not going to. A lot has been going on since my last post. I was in the emergency room a couple weeks ago with major pain in my back, chest and right shoulder. Turns out the gallstones are back. Yay. So I have to have surgery, which I really don't want to do. I know that it is the best thing to do, and is necessary, but I am just so scared to have any kind of surgery now that I have Natalie. I am terrified of something going wrong and leaving my baby behind without her mommy. So I have been trying to put it off, but the pain just won't subside and it looks like God is going to force me into the operating room......

On a happier note (somewhat) Natalie is getting sooooo big. She is such a big girl now, or at least she thinks so. She is the most independent little girl I have ever known. Sometimes I wish she were a little more dependent on me still. I just want her to stay little forever. She is partially potty trained. I need to be more consistent with the training. If I were more consistent she would be totally potty trained already, but I haven't been doing the greatest job at it, which I should be doing, since I am home with her every day. Oh yeah, I got a job for a few months. I don't remember if I blogged since then, but I tried out the whole job thing again after 2 years of being a full time wife, mommy and student. I liked the work. I loved the people. I loved feeling productive in the office world again. However, I HATED leaving Natalie all day. I hated that I missed so much while I was gone. I hated coming home and only being able to spend a couple of hours with her before putting her to bed. I also hated that it affected my grades. I got C's last semester, and I am not a C student. I just didn't want to study and do homework when I got home from work. All I wanted to do was hang out with Chad and Natalie and just enjoy my time with them. So...I quit. I quit my job and am now home with my little girl again. I am so thankful to God and my wonderful husband that I am able to stay home with her. I am so blessed. God is good.

So, back to how she is growing waaay too fast. She now talks soooo much. She repeats everything you say and can sing her ABC's up to the letter "I". We are working on the rest....She is so beautiful. Every time I look at her I can't help but thank God for giving me this beautiful, happy, hyper little girl. She is my medicine when I am not feeling well. She makes everything better. BUT.....we need to have a little talk soon. She loves her daddy so much more than me. And although I can't deny that I am totally jealous, it also makes me happy to see how much they love each other. She sees him and her face lights up. She is definitely daddy's little girl. She has a lot of his traits also. She is so full of energy. By that I mean she is just plain hyper! She will not sit still for anything and she is such a little ham. She is her daddy's child. I took her to get pictures taken last week. She is even starting to look like him...


I know...she's precious.

So now that she is getting so big, we decided it was time for a semi-big girl toy. After buying one on a whim, I decided to return it the next day and look into getting one that would really grow with her and that she will love and appreciate even more when she is a little bigger. So this is what I found, fell in love with, and ordered for her:

What do yall think? I can't wait to see her face when it comes in!!!

Well, the little monster is up now, and I am going to get us ready for our night on the town. Ha! We are going bowling with some good friends. Ready to get out of the house on this rainy day.

Stay dry!