If I could stop time...

Natalie,

My goodness, you are getting so big. I can't believe you are already 10 months old. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital. It amazes me to see how much you have grown. You are walking now...well, I say walking, but really you know how, you are just lazy and would prefer to crawl because it gets you where you are going so much faster. You took your first steps with Ms. Charity, and although it kills me to have missed your first steps, it makes up for it to watch you take more and more steps as the days go by. You are up to 6 steps at a time....that's a lot... You also wave bye-bye now and finally realized that your hands can make a clapping noise too. You are starting to mock daddy and I a lot more with the sounds we make. I love it. You give soooo many kisses too, which I think is my favorite thing. They are big, open-mouthed, slobbery kisses, but man I love them. You are just so happy...ALL the time...and you make us happy. I can't thank God enough for giving you such an amazing daddy. He loves you more than I can even put down on paper. When he is having a bad day at work, he comes home and the first thing he does is pick you up and love on you and tell you how much he loves you and that seeing your smile just makes everything better. And it really does....you are a sweet little reminder of how petty some problems are and how un-important some things are. You are such a blessing to us. I still can't believe that we have you and how much you have changed our minds and our lives since we had you. I hope that when you can read this you know how much daddy and I truly love you.
I started planning your first birthday party, and I am already stressing out. There is only one venue available the day of your party, so we are going to have to make a decision this week. I want to have everything done soon because I will be studying for finals the week of your party. After that it is all about YOU. I sometimes feel that I am not giving you the attention I should because of school work and studying, and daddy is so great at helping when I have stuff to do, but I keep reminding myself that once I am done with school we are going to be able to give you a much better life and be able to provide so much more. You are already a little spoiled, and it is probably just going to get worse, but oh well....we love you and can't help it. There has been some talk of maybe giving you a little brother or sister...only God can say if and when that is going to happen. We will see....
I love you my little monkey. You and daddy are my world. Two more months and you will be one....if I could only stop time for just a little while...

Love you,
Mommy

I survived...

My sweet princess,

Well, we did it...or should I say "I" did it. I survived my first day leaving you with a sitter. Although, I can't really call Ms. Charity "the sitter". She is a great friend, and she loves you and is so great with you...and you love her. You were eager to jump right over to her arms when I walked in to drop you off (tears in my eyes). You didn't seem to mind much that I was leaving you. No tears on your end. Which made it a little easier on me, but at the same time broke my heart a little. I hate to say it, but I cried like a baby the whole way to school. I don't know why. I knew you were in wonderful hands with both Charity and Troy. That wasn't my worry. I think it was just the realization that you were getting bigger and I was having to get back to doing "life" instead of just doing "mommy". I am scared...am scared of you growing up and me missing too much. I found myself pushing a button on my phone throughout class just so that your precious little face would flash on my screen for a few seconds. They made me smile. I couldn't wait to go back to pick you up!! Of course when I got out and called daddy, he was already there. He says he went to work out with Mr. Troy...hhmmmm. At least when I got there you were happy to see me and your little smile was still on your face just like it was when I dropped you off. So we survived...tomorrow daddy may be the one dropping you off, so maybe I can get to school without makeup streaked down my face. One day at a time, my little lady bug, one day at a time.

I love you,
Mommy

Back to School...

Oh how I have dreaded this day...and looked forward to it all at the same time. Summer is over, and I am going back to school after 8 months of being a full-time mommy. I am registered for 9 hours at the moment, and trying to get 3 more, so hopefully I will be enrolled full time this semester. I have thought about this for the past week non stop. Granted, my little princess will be in great hands. Chad and I were not planning on taking her to daycare, so we are so blessed to have a wonderful friend that is willing to watch her while I am in school. So thanks to her, I am able to do this. I just can't imagine leaving Natalie every day. I know...I am having a hard time letting go!! I can't help it!! I love this little person with every ounce of my being!! I am going to cry...lol

However, I am thankful to be going back to school so I can be closer to the finish line and that much closer to being able to make a better life for my little girl. I am so blessed and grateful to have been able to spend these first 8 months of her life by her side and being able to give her 100% of my attention. I have an amazing husband who has worked his butt off to make that possible and I love him immensely and could not thank him enough for everything he has done for us. I could not have asked for a better husband or father for my little girl.

So....wish me luck as I head back to school tomorrow, and that I don't show up in tears from crying the whole way there. lol

Good night bloggers...

Addisyn Layne Fendley 6/29/10 - 6/29/10

Today was a rough day...a friend of mine put her baby girl to rest today...she was a full-term still born, and one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. It was hard enough for me to walk into the funeral home and see that little casket...I have never seen one that little, and I don't ever want to see one again...I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Jenel and Derrick. It's just not right. A mother is not supposed to bury her children. The children are supposed to bury their parents. It's just not right. It's times like these that my faith in God begins to be tested because all these questions pop in and out of my mind. Why? She was so beautiful, so innocent, so pure...why? Her mom and dad were so excited anticipating her arrival. Why would God take that from them? Why would he take her life so soon?? Why didn't he allow her to enter this world and breathe the air and taste LIFE. Why? It's just not right...
I know that I can't question His doing, and that He is the only one that has those answers and we will never understand why He does some of the things He does. I know this. I have faith in Him and I believe in Him, and I know that that beautiful baby girl is being cradled in the most wonderful and perfect arms anyone could ever imagine being cradled in...I know all this. I just can't help but wonder why.
My heart breaks for Jenel and Derrick. Every time I look at Natalie, my heart breaks a little more for them. I know that this has got to be so hard...probably one of the hardest things they will ever have to go through. I hope that their faith in God is strong enough to where they are not beating themselves up with questions, searching for answers. He knows...and that's enough.
I have been praying for them and their families that they may find the strength to move on and find comfort in knowing that Addisyn is being cradled in the arms of God, and that they will see her again one day to be able to spend all of eternity with her. I pray that the pain they are feeling will soon subside and can look at that beautiful little girl's picture and smile, because she was so beautiful and innocent and pure. They have their own little angel in Heaven looking down on them, waiting for the day they will meet...

If I could kiss your pain away....

My dearest Natalie,

I wish now more than ever that you could talk already and be able to tell me what is wrong and what hurts so that I knew how to make it better. This is the first time you have gotten sick, and the most nerve-wrecking experience in the emergency room with you yesterday morning as they did tests and took x-rays, all the time praying that the doctors would know exactly how to make whatever was wrong better. Last night was heart-breaking. You would fall asleep for a little while and then wake up screaming and crying, and I would hold you and rock you and kiss you, all the while still praying for you to feel better. I don't think I have ever had bronchitis, so I don't know how you feel or how much you hurt and I wish so bad I could take your place. I have always known the love your daddy has for you, but watching him hold you and whisper in your ear at 4:00am trying to calm you down and seeing the hurt in his eyes because you are hurting proves to me even more how much he loves you. I can't wait for you to be old enough to see it. Your dad is pretty amazing. We were at the lake house, so Tia Vero came in and held you at 4:30am because she heard you crying and sang to you and rocked you. She told daddy and I to try to get some sleep, but there was no way we were sleeping with you crying like you were. We didn't want to leave your side. There is no denying that you are so loved. You finally calmed down at around 6:00am and I cuddled up next to you to get some sleep before waking up and heading home. You seem to be feeling so much better right now. Your fever finally stayed down. It scared me when it hit 102.9. You played quite a bit this evening and smiled and laughed and seemed to be feeling better. I hope you are. If kisses could cure bronchitis and make you feel better, you would never be sick. Between daddy and I, you must get over 100 kisses a day. We just love you so much. You have changed our lives so much and made things so much more beautiful to me. I can't thank God enough for blessing me with you. I didn't know that I could love something so little so much, but I do. My heart overflows with love for you and by the way daddy looks at you, I know his does to. You have him wrapped around your little finger (twice) and he won't even deny it. You are just so beautiful to us, and although I sometimes wish that time would stand still and I could keep you this little forever, I can't wait to hear you call me "mommy". I can't wait to hug you and have my hug returned. I can already picture your little arms around my neck. I can't wait for you to give me kisses and tell me you love me. I don't know how many times daddy has said the same.
I still can't believe that you are already crawling and pulling yourself up on EVERYTHING...and you have your first tooth. My little girl is getting so big already! Promise me that no matter how big you get, you will always be our little girl??? I love you so much, I don't think there are enough words to describe how much. These past six and a half months have been the best of my life. You have taught daddy and I a whole new love for you and for each other and we can't wait to watch you grow into the amazing woman I know you will be one day.
I am about to go crawl into bed with you and daddy now. He doesn't want to put you in your bed...and neither do I. Not tonight...I just want to cuddle up to you tonight and hope that you are all better when you wake up. I love you my little lady bug...

Mommy

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along...

It has been a while since I have posted. I have had a lot going on lately....not really anything major, just life happening. My little girl is getting bigger and bigger every day. She turned 6 months this Wednesday. I can't believe it has been half a year already. Time has flown by. I just want time to stand still sometimes. I want her to stay innocent and sweet...and safe...just the way she is. Being a mother has changed my life in so many ways. I thought being a wife was life changing....being both in the same year is indescribable!! I love being both. Chad and I have had our moments, just like every other couple I'm sure, but our faith in the Lord brings us back to love and back to Him, and everything is OK. I am reading an awesome book right now that a dear friend gave me to read called "Love is a Decision" by Gary Smalley. I highly recommend it. It is an eye opener and just inspiring for a marriage. One of my favorite quotes in this book is "Every enduring marriage involves an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person." This is a reminder that there are always going to be struggles..neither one of us is perfect...but we are going to get through those struggles because we made an unconditional commitment to each other before God. I love him...I love him and his imperfections, just like he loves me and ALL of mine. I know that God brought us together and He is never going to leave us alone.

Being a mom....wow...being a mom is the most rewarding, tiresome, scary job I have ever had. I love waking up to her smiling face every morning. She is sleeping in her pack and play next to our bed now, and I am still breastfeeding (trying for a year), so at 6am when she is hungry I put her in bed with us to eat and then we sleep for another couple of hours. She is usually awake before us, so I wake up to her touching my face and when I open my eyes, there she is smiling at me. I love it. THIS is what life is all about. I was meant to be a mom...

So this leads me to my current struggle...and let the tears begin...
I am going back to school in the fall. I took 2 semesters off already, and I HAVE to get back...I can't keep putting school off. So I started registering, and as I was registering, I started crying. Me going to school, means that I have to leave Natalie. Even if only for a few hours, I have to leave her. I have been with her almost every day all day of her life so far and leaving her is going to be so hard. It makes it a lot easier to know that we are leaving her with someone whom both Chad and I trust and love and who we know is going to take good care of her. But it is still hard. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss her first step, or her first word, or her first anything...I want to be there for ALL of it. I have to go back to school though. Both for myself and for her. I want her to know that her mommy worked her butt off to give her the best life she could....and so did her daddy...Chad is going to go back to school next fall (I am so proud of him). So I am sure that I will be crying all the way to school for a while, but I know that it's what I need to do.

Well, I think I am going to try to get some sleep for a couple of hours...I am picking my mom and aunt up early in the morning. I can't wait to see them! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Dear Natalie...please don't grow so fast!!!

Oh how time flies! My little girl is now just over four months and is getting so big! At her four month appointment, she weighed 12lbs 4oz!!! My goodness!! She is getting to be so much fun now. She "belly laughs" with Chad and I now, which is something that she had only done with her two grandmas up until about a week ago. She laughs so much and it is the most beautiful sound I think I have ever heard in my entire life. It is so amazing how much love you can feel for such a tiny little being. I can't imagine my life without her. We have our little family and it is so great. She is truly the best thing that has happened to me, and I am so grateful that she has such a great daddy. He is so good with her. He loves holding her and making her laugh and helping out with her any way he can. He is definitely one of the best dads I've met by far. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his little girl (or me). I truly am blessed, and take it for granted sometimes. I am sure he doesn't want her to grow so fast either...lol. I remember my dad telling me all the time that he wished I would have stayed little, and now I understand why. She is so innocent, so happy, so loveable and cuddly. I love her!! I know that time is going to go by so fast and I am going to miss these moments like crazy. I love laying in bed and listening to her "talk" herself to sleep, and waking up to her smiling face every morning. Soon she is going to wake up grumpy because she wants to stay in bed longer lol.

At the same time, however, I can't wait to be able to teach her all the beauty of life and how to love like my mom taught me. I am going to teach her to give hugs and kisses often, and to tell those you love that you love them every chance you get. I am going to teach her to reach for your goals no matter how big or how many people try to stand in your way. I am going to teach her to know and love God. There is so much I want to teach her and I can't wait to start....so I guess I can handle her getting bigger, I just wish it wouldn't happen so fast.

Well, I am off to bed now. Time to cuddle with my two loves.

Good night moon...

Jibber Jabber

I am starting to hate these mid-night pumping sessions. I hate getting out of bed and leaving my hubby and little princess for 30 minutes. I want to stay in bed cuddled up to her with no interruptions until it's time to wake up!!!
Oh well....
I can't believe she is already going to be 4 months old on Friday. She is getting so big. She wakes up with a smile on her face every morning, and the smile pretty much remains all day. Sometimes I wonder why we can't all be like that....myself included. I was never really a morning person, and over the years I became somewhat of a grouch. I look at her and wonder why we even waste any energy on being upset sometimes. She is so happy all the time, and it is contagious. I love it...I love her.

We have some pretty exciting plans for this weekend. Chad has his kids this weekend as well, and we are going to all head to the lakehouse with some of my family and friends. I am so ready to be out by the water and relax with everyone. It is going to be so much fun. Lake trips are always an adventure.
Opening games are this weekend for baseball (rec) also. Aric plays Friday, so Natalie and I will be there cheering him and daddy (coach) on.

How was everyone's Easter??? Ours was pretty great. We had such an amazing service at the Water's Edge. I love our church. If you are ever in the Lake Charles area on a Sunday, swing by for one of the services and check it out....you won't regret it.

I feel like I am rambling on about all these different subjects, but I don't have anything extremely interesting to talk about, and I am half asleep...so that explains a lot. Oh, so I finally got my iPhone!! I washed my phone in with a load of laundry the other day, so I had to get a new phone. I went ahead and just switched over to AT&T now instead of waiting until July when we had originally planned to switch over together. I love my phone. If anyone knows any cool apps, let me know!!!

Alright, time to get back in bed...

I'm going to be a mean mom

Here I am at 3am, pumping my little heart out. lol A lot of things have happened around me that have really made me evaluate the kind of mother I am and will be, and I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be a mean mom...just like my mom. This poem was given to me a few years back and my mother was in my head the whole time I was reading it. My mom has definitely not been the perfect mom. I don't think there is such a thing, but what a great example God has given me to follow. Chad and I were talking the other day about how we want to raise our kids, and the one thing we both agreed was the most important thing, was to raise them with love. I know that sounds like a given..we are parents, we love our kids, of course they have to be raised with love. But we looked a little deeper into the word. Love is being concerned with their well-bieng, as well as being concerned with the type of friends they have, where they are, their grades, it's not only giving them food to eat, but also being able to sit down and eat with them. Not just telling them that we love them, but being affectionate and making sure they not only hear that they are loved every single day, but that the feel it as well. Love is not forcing them to go to church, but introducing them to Christ and teaching them to live through Him. Love is not being their friend, they will have many of those, but to be their parent....because not every person with a child really knows the true meaning of the word. I think that we both have some great footsteps to follow in, and I hope that we set the same example for our kids. I really do want to be a mean mom....

The Meanest Mother In the World
I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate
candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others
had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can
guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.
But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two
brothers had the same mean mother as I did.
My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd
think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and
where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that
we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly
ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each
time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was
used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you
imagine someone actualy hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now
you can begin to see how mean she really was.
We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always
wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because
she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we
have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?
The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night
and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our
friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break
the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make
beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid
awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.
She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.
By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life
became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for
us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates
and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a
girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really
there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a
boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were
dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused
to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you
dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie
in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends
had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home
from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends'
report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for
failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for
nothing less than ugly black marks.
As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put
to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind
us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the
pleasure of being a drop-out.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four
children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us
have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my
brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we
have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our
mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a
protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a
million and one other things that our friends did.
She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three
children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my
children call me mean.
Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in
the whole world.

I hope you guys enjoy that poem as much as I do. When my little girl and any future kids grow up I will be able to tell them the following:

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Good night bloggers....back to bed with my loves....

Layla Grace...

I am trying to type between the tears right now. I just read about sweet Layla Grace, who lost her battle to cancer today at only 2 years old. My heart breaks for her parents and family. I can't imagine what they must be feeling, or what they have been feeling throughout her fight with cancer. I held Natalie a little tighter and longer today. I love her so much and I don't know what I would do if I had to fight that same battle with her and lose. I cherish every day I get to spend with my little girl and watch her grow and pray that those days continue until I am old and grey. My prayers are with Layla Grace's family today...

If you haven't read her story, you can read it here:
www.laylagrace.org

One Great Year...

Since my last post, a couple of pretty big things have happened. Natalie made her first trip to Houston to see my family!!! It was so nice seeing everyone and just spending the weekend with my niece and nephews as well as the rest of the family. I miss them so much, so any opportunity to see them is such a wonderful time!! We spent Valentine's weekend there and my nephew, Vince was baptized on Valentine's Day! We also got Natalie's ears pierced the day before!
Getting her ears pierced:




Natalie and her cousin Nick:


Chad and I also celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary on February 28th!!!!! I must say that there have been some tough times, and some even tougher times, but we've made it so far. We have grown a lot as a couple this year and I know that we will only continue to grow. Our bond is so strong and our faith in God is even stronger that there is nothing that can break us or separate that bond. I love him so much and I am so thankful that God brought us together and gave us the most amazing little girl anyone could ask for. She is definitely a product of an amazing love. I love her so much...

Speaking of the little princess, she goes to get two more shots tomorrow....wish me luck that I don't cry again....

I am off to bed. I will post again tomorrow.

Good night bloggers...

Happy 2 Months, Natalie!!!

"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself."

I can't believe my little girl is going to be 2 months old tomorrow. It seems like just yesterday I was still in the hospital ready to bring her home. These two months have gone by so fast. She has started smiling a lot...and talking. I love waking up to her smile every morning. She is happiest then...soooo not like her mom. She definitely takes after her dad there. She has also started loving baths. She used to scream and cry the whole time, and now she cries when we take her out of the water...that she did get from me. :o)

We take her to get her shots tomorrow....I am nervous and scared for her. My poor baby...I think daddy is going to have to hold her for her shots. It's going to break my heart to hear her cry out in pain.

To celebrate her 2 months I made cupcakes that say "Happy 2 months Natalie" She can't eat them, but we will take a picture and put them in her scrap book. I love my little girl...

Well, Chad just came and fussed at me for not being in bed yet, so I have to sign off...until tomorrow.

Sweet Dreams bloggers...

"The value of consistent prayer is not that He will hear us, but that we will hear Him."

I must start by saying that God is good!!! No....GREAT. Yesterday was an amazing day. Thank you for those of you who have been praying for us...lets just say God heard all of our prayers and they are being answered in so many ways!

Yesterday was not only a day of good news, but just a good day all together. Natalie and I started the day off together pretty well rested since she slept in her Nap Nanny all night again!!! Three nights in a row she slept in it from 11:30pm to 5:00am, woke up to eat, and then stayed in bed with Chad and I until about 8am. Yesterday was an early day since I took the kids to school while she stayed in bed with her daddy. He went to work for a little while and then came home for lunch. I have been asking for a recliner since before she was born, so I decided that we were going to tag along with him when he went back to work so that we could go look at recliners when he was done. We went to his office and to see a client, and then we were off to shop!!! I didn't think we were going to buy it right then, but we found one that we loved and is sooooo comfy!!! We were supposed to go pick it up today, but it has been raining all day...stupid rain. After we bought our recliner, we got some more good news (or at least I think so). Then Chad decided he wanted to take me to watch Avatar in 3D since I hadn't seen it, so we took Natalie to his parents' house and headed to the movies. I must admit, I was not at all interested in watching that movie, but WOW!!! Probably the best movie ever. I wanted to live there....REALLY. lol

Anyway, we got home kind of late, and Natalie was off of her schedule yesterday, so I hate to say it, but she didn't sleep in her Nap Nanny. She was so fussy that I layed down with her and we both eventually just fell asleep together. I know...I'm a sucker.

Today I have been cleaning the house and doing the laundry that had piled up....BAD, while Chad has been watching Natalie. They are now napping on the couch...they look so cute. he keeps saying she's Daddy's girl, but she is soooo Mommy's girl. lol



Well, I have to get back to folding all of this clothes....ugh.

Nap Nanny...Everybody Sleeps

Well, it worked!!! Chad bought Natalie the Nap Nanny the other day, and last night was our first night to put her in it. She slept in it for four hours until she woke up hungry! It was nice to have the bed back to ourselves for a night. Of course the first 30 minutes she was in there I was looking over every minute to make sure she was ok. I am one of those looney tunes mothers that thinks her child has stopped breathing at least once a day because she is peacefully sleeping. But I'm not the only one, right??

I feel pretty lazy today. We slept about 6 hours last night, and I woke up at 6:30 to feed Natalie and take the kids to school while Chad stayed home with her. When I came home, they were asleep again, so I hopped in bed with them and didn't wake up until almost noon. Pretty lazy day...maybe it's the weather. It's pretty gloomy out. I think it rained all night because I could hear the thunder in the middle of the night. This is a perfect day to cuddle up to my little princess and watch TV and Disney movies all day...which reminds me. Does anyone know where I can get some of the old disney movies? Like Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, etc.? I want to get all of them for Natalie and I to watch. All we have is Cinerella and new Disney movies.

Anyway, all this talking about laying down and cuddling up to her...I have to go do just that.

Poop

This title seems fitting since that is really all that has been on my mind the past few days...Natalie hadn't had a dirty diaper going on four days yesterday. She had wet diapers, just no poopy diapers. So being the worried and paranoid parents that we are, Chad and I took her to the doctor yesterday. Turns out that it is normal for a breast fed baby to not have a bowel movement for a couple of days. But she would still strain and she had belly aches because of it, so we had giver her something to help her poop. That was not fun. My poor baby...but she feels so much better now, and I can tell her belly doesn't hurt as bad. This morning she really left us a little gift (not so little) in her diaper. She needed it I'm sure. So, there...a not so pleasant post about a not so pleasant experience. I hope she doesn't have this problem again. Poor thing.

On the flip side...my parents came in for the weekend to visit. I missed them like crazy. I was so happy to have them here. They actually babysat for us last night while Chad and I went to dinner with a client. We had crawfish and it was YUMMY!!! We had a good time. Met some new friends and ate some good food.

My parents left this morning...I wish I was going with them. I miss my family like crazy (it's worse on some days). I am just still not used to being so far away from them.

For the most part, it was a good weekend. We have our church group to go to tonight to discuss "Crazy Love" some more. I can't wait....

More Milk Please

Good morning! It's a beautiful day out today...I think I may take Ms. Natalie out for a walk. She is 7 weeks old today! I can't believe how fast the time is flying! It doesn't seem like it has been that long. Seven weeks...the best seven weeks of my life so far. I can't imagine not having her here. It's amazing how much being a mother changes you. I am no longer thinking about what is best for Chad and I, it's what's best for Natalie. We have been stressing out a little the past week...my milk supply began to dry up a bit, and we don't want to have to give her any formula just yet. My plan is to give her only breast milk for at least a year. At least that is what we want to do....not sure how that is all going to work out. Chad has been stressing out about it a lot, which is weird since he is a guy, and I didn't think they cared lol. In turn, he stresses me out even more. I know that he doesn't do it intentionally, and I should be thankful that he cares so much and is so involved instead of getting stressed out and upset about it. He went to talk to a lactation specialist yesterday to see if there was anything he could do to help. They told him it would help to take this herbal pill 4 times a day. It's called "More Milk Plus". I started taking it today and they said it should take about 3 days to increase my milk supply. I hope it works. It is so depressing as a mom that is so gung ho (is that how you spell that?) about breastfeeding to not be able to produce enough to feed your child. I feel like I am failing as a mother. I know...it happens a lot. Some women just don't produce enough milk. BUT my problem is that I got sick and took Benadryl. I dried up my milk supply. I could have prevented it. It's MY fault. So, God, if you could please, forgive my ignorance in not looking up information about medicine before taking it just this one time, and give me some more milk. Please? Natalie is becoming a little fatty and she is growing quick...she needs more milk. I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Here's proof that she's getting big!

Chunky Butt

We took Natalie to the doctor yesterday...she has a cold. My poor baby. The medicine they gave her seemed to help her sleep well at least. She is gaining some weight. Chad and I have been a little concerned about her maybe not getting enough to eat, because the Benadryl I took the other day dried my supply some, but she is gaining weight and doing great, so that made us feel a little better. She weighs 8lbs 15oz!!! She is in the 50th percentile for weight, and the 90th percentile for height, which is now 22in!!! My little girl is getting big!! It's hard to think that some babies are born this big...and bigger!!
Last night we reached a milestone...her first bath without throwing a fit! Chad gave her a bath, and instead of hearing the screams as she went in the water, there was silence...the WHOLE TIME! She loved it, and Chad was loving the fact that she was loving it...as was I. Bath time used to break my heart almost every night, because she acted like we were doing something horrible to her. But now she likes bath time...at least I hope. We will see if she continues to like it again tonight. (crossing my fingers)

Booger Baby

Well, it's happened, and I feel like a horrible mom...Natalie is sick. She started with somewhat of a stuffy nose last night and when she woke up crying to eat a few minutes ago, she was mostly breathing through her mouth because her nose was so runny! My poor baby. She has this different cry...it sounds so sad. I think she's saying "bad mommy" for obviously not taking care of her as well as I should be. Right? Because if I did, she wouldn't be sick...at least that is how I feel. It breaks my heart to hear her little nose every time she tries to breathe. I sat there and suctioned out as much as I could...it's pretty bad. I hope that she gets better soon. I don't want her to feel bad...ever. I know, I can't keep her in a bubble, although sometimes I really wish I could. I used to make fun of those mothers, you know, the germaphobes that don't want anyone or anything that hasn't basically bleached and sanitized their whole bodies around their baby??? Yeah, that's me...guilty. My poor child...she has a crazy mother.

I guess I will go back to bed now...Daddy is taking care of his little girl, and as much as I want to rip her out of his arms and take her into mine, I know he wants to take care of her as much as I do...so I am going to go back to bed. Maybe not back to sleep...but at least back to bed.

If you're reading this, say a little prayer for my baby to better and for all those boogers to go away. Thanks!

“The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank”

I just got home from a delicious steak dinner with my two brothers-in-law and Natalie. She was pretty well behaved at dinner...only a couple of crying episodes, but because she was hungry. Once I fed her she was great. I love her.
I have been thinking a lot this week about the last topic at our small group. One of the questions "Crazy Love" asks is 'What would be the first thing you would say to the Lord as you were standing before his throne?' Right away, the words 'thank you' came to my head. I have so much to be thankful for. My life has made a complete 180 in the past 5 or so years...I have made a complete 180. I have an amazing family, great friends, and have been blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me and loves God, and the most beautiful little girl that will grow up to know God and all that he has and will continue to bless her with. I am healthy for the most part, I am happy, and I am alive. Not just living, but truly ALIVE. So yes, the one most important thing I would have to say to our wonderful God as I stood before him would definitely be THANK YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for this wonderful life you have given me, and thank you for loving me like only You can.
My 'thank you' would be followed by 'I'm sorry'. I'm sorry for taking it for granted so many times. I'm sorry for being selfish, and sometimes vain, and for forgetting that my life is not really mine. I'm sorry for trying to take a few turns in the opposite direction you were leading. I'm sorry for maybe not loving you enough.
So there it is....that is what I would say. What would you say?

It's time for me to try to clean up a little around the house (yes, at 10:30pm). Natalie is sleeping...for a little while at least...so I am going to take advantage of that and maybe get something done around here. I hate seeing my house in such a mess.

Signing out,

Moooooooooo

That is what I feel like...a cow. In every sense of the word. We've had a pretty hard time getting Natalie to sleep at night....but when we do get her to sleep, she sleeps through the night....most of the time. So I don't wake her up to eat, but since I am breastfeeding, I still have to get up and pump. I have to admit, I haven't been doing it lately, and it is really necessary to keep up my milk supply, so I am going to try harder to wake up even when she is sound asleep.
It is really important to both Chad and I to breastfeed Natalie rather than giver her formula because of all the benefits it has for her. So for as long as the good Lord gives me milk...or until she can talk (whichever comes first) Mommy's milk will be the only thing on the menu. That is, until I start introducing solids. :o)

So back to the cow thing...it's so amazing how God built women to be such "natural providers" for their children, but really, I feel like a cow. I've never milked a cow before, and I'm sure that cows aren't necessarily milked with pumps, but if I had and if they were, I'm sure this is what it would feel/look like. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight, but still haven't managed to lose all of it, so I decided to start weight watchers tomorrow and try to fit in some exercise during the day even if that means just taking a walk in the park with Natalie on most days. I really want to get back down to the size I was before (and smaller). I am going to set my goal to lose 10 lbs this month. Then I will set another goal for the next month, so wish me luck.

I am clocking back out for another 3 hours...back to dreamland I go.

"The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing”

This is sooo true...Chad is a lucky man that he works most of the day and doesn't have to be here to listen to me almost break windows while I'm singing to our daughter. I could do it forever though. I sometimes wonder if it hurts her ears as much as it hurts everyone else's, but then I look down and see her sleeping so peacefully and realize that all that matters to her is that she hears my voice and that I am close to her. I fed her and put her down for a nap. This is the time where everyone says I should also sleep, but I always sit there and stare at her for a few minutes after she falls asleep and somehow the sleepiness goes away and I am filled with this wonderful feeling. Being a mom has already exhausted me to no end and it's only been 6 weeks, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It is the most rewarding job I've had in my life...
She started smiling this week. Really smiling. She was smiling the first week she was born, but I don't think she knew what was going on around her. Now she smiles sometimes when I talk to her and play with her. It melts my heart to see that smile. It's already got me hooked and it's contagious. She smiles, and both Chad and I smile...
He is great with her...and with me...sometimes I think I don't deserve how great he is to me. I can be a little difficult to deal with. I am trying to get better...I am. But for now, he still puts up with me and is great with us. Watching him hold Natalie and talk to her is probably as equally amazing as just watching her, if not more. He gets this look on his face that I have never seen. It somewhat resembles the look he had on his face as I was walking down the isle to him, but different. He loves her...It shows in his eyes how much he loves her. It's amazing to watch them...amazing.



I am going to get something to eat before she wakes up again...maybe I will have some more to write later. I am sure that now I will keep my promise to write more...I have so much to share about Natalie that I don't want to keep inside.

Truly Blessed,

My last apology...

Wow, it's been a while since I have posted anything...I am sorry, once more. So much is new in my life...I gave birth to a beautiful little princess on December 9, 2009. Natalie Andrea Carroll weighed 6lbs, 8oz and was 19.5 inches long. She was 6 weeks old yesterday and I am loving every day with her. I could sit here and stare at her all day...she is so amazingly beautiful. God is so great....
I was registered for school this semester, and was planning on just taking 6 hours, but one of my classes got canceled last minute and there was no space available in any of the other classes. Soooo, I decided to just take the semester off, even though that is not really what I wanted to do. The good thing is that at least I will be able to stay home with my little angel and won't miss any of the "firsts". It also gives me some time to blog everyday hopefully. I think this will be a good way to document Natalie's first "coo" and first giggle, first word...I can't wait. Being a wife in itself was great, and now being a mommy is an even greater feeling. I thank God everyday for the family he has blessed me with. My husband and my daughter are my life and my heart, and everyday I wake up I thank God for allowing me another day with them.
Chad and I joined a small group at our church and met some wonderful people who I hope will be in our lives for a long time. In our group we are reading a book called "Crazy Love". I have only read two chapters, but so far this book is amazing and it really makes you think about life, yourself and God in a completely different way. I highly recommend it so far.

Well, mommy duty calls...Natalie is hungry. I will write more a little later.

Hope everyone is having a great day!